I have been reading online about premature ejaculation (PE) for the past few years, to try help my husband out. I can’t find any solid solution for this problem nor any genuine pills for PE. Recently he came to know about the pill called Dapoxetine. In some countries it’s already been recommended and available. Can you confirm this pill is ok for him to use and from which site to purchase online?
Before thinking about solutions it’s worth considering if he does have a problem. Misleading information about sex can make people think they have premature ejaculation when they don’t. ‘Good’ sex is presented by the mainstream media and porn as requiring lengthy periods of penetrative sex. Giving us limited ideas of sexual pleasure and overlooking most men last a matter of minutes between penetration and orgasm on average.
Premature Ejaculation is defined by a number of factors consistently occurring over six months or more. Where men feel like they have no control over ejaculation (either during masturbation or when with a partner); that the time between penetration and ejaculation is too short (for example before a man is erect, before penetration has happened or within seconds after penetration has taken place); and this causes them distress and problems within or in starting relationships.
Triggers for premature ejaculation include feeling anxious about sexual performance, not having had sex for a while, being with a new partner or a novel sexual experience, or a habit of masturbating to orgasm very rapidly. Some of these are situation specific and can resolve themselves over time.
If a man thinks he has a problem he could try:
– Masturbating a few hours before you have sex
– Mindfulness (see this guide from Debbie Herbenick) and meditation can help him feel less anxious
– Sharing his sexual worries with you, his partner (this guide by Cory Silverberg gives pointers on how to do this)
– ‘Edging’ – where he gets close to orgasm, stop, then start being sexual again, it can make him feel in control
– Condoms designed to help him last longer (try Boots or Pasante Delay brands or Durex Performa)
– Avoiding sexual positions that really excite him until he knows he really wants to come
– Talking in confidence to the Sexual Advice Association
– Reading this chapter by Paul Joannides about premature ejaculation
– Rethinking how he defines and experiences sex. Sex doesn’t have to involve placing penetration as the main event, with orgasm as the final goal. Or involve him delaying orgasm until you, his partner, has come, or end with your orgasm. (A few ideas of what sex might be for you can be found in the range of self help books here)
– Asking his GP for a referral to a Psychosexual Therapist (available on the NHS, although waiting lists vary). Or he could self refer to a (paid for) therapist.
You’ll notice I have not yet mentioned pills for PE. People are attracted to pills for sex problems, assuming it lets them avoid having to talk about embarrassing issues or in the hope it will resolve problems more quickly than most of the techniques I’ve just outlined.
Despite the medicalsation of men’s sexual problems, pills to treat premature ejaculation are not necessarily any more effective than the other solutions outlined above. And most practitioners would not recommend a clinical solution without trying those other steps first.
The product you describe is an anti-depressant. Anti-depressants do help some men delay orgasm.
Dapoxetine (sold under the brand name Priligy) is not one that is licensed for use to treat PE in the UK at this time and is not available on the NHS. You can purchase it for treatment of PE which would involve an online consultation or telephone conversation to assess your suitability for the drug.
The effectiveness of these consultations vary dramatically and some may also involve sales consultants who use techniques to get you to buy products that can make you feel worse about your sexual problems. Other antidepressants could be prescribed by your doctor, but it is worth noting most have undesirable side effects including a lack of sex drive or problems getting and keeping an erection.
Most studies of anti-depressants to treat premature ejaculation show they only give men a matter of a minute or two more time between penetration and ejaculation as compared to placebo. Trials also do not usually compare against the other techniques outlined above which may also give him more time between penetration and orgasm.
I remain cautious about buying PE drugs online. At best you waste your money. At worst you could buy something that is harmful. Work through the suggestions above. If they don’t help then get him to see his doctor who can ensure if he is offered anti-depressants it is following a thorough health check and deemed appropriate to his situation.
By Dr Petra Boynton